ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We don't watch enough power rangers
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize