i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
