Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
