I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
