I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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