I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
