Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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