Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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