Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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