I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
