My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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