you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
