I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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