only if we run a train.
done.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm just crazy horny about you
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
