one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize