he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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