Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And then the night went full on bisexual.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
