i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
