Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
