And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
