smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
