they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
