That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
