friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
