Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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