Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
