Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
