fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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