The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
