the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
