Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
