Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Holy sore nipples Batman
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
