u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
