put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
im holly from the hills drunk
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
