i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
