I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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