I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
