found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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