everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
