come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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