Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
