you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
