sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
