I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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