that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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