Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize