To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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