And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
