True but thats because hes a fetus.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i think my cat just said my name.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
