I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's shark week go big or go home
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
