BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize