I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
