the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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