I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
