Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
