FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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