its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
