I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
