So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
