Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
