OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
