I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
