i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My pussy is not your playground.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
