Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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