also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
