Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize